Where in the world have I been?!

Busy?! I have no idea! I keep thinking of things I want to blog about, but priorities seem to stress me out daily! right now, i am battling emotions with the reality that I am probably pre-hypertension. we dont have insurance (make about 100.00 too much to get any coverage through the state). open enrollment w/ Digital Dish is in Dec and we got kicked off state ins in Feb. ARGH! we dont even know how much it will be for the 2 of us, but are most likely going to *cough* up the moola, seeing as I have been having minor problems lately. (btw, kids are still covered w/ state.) Started out like sinus cold symptoms. except dizziness/headaches that I was experiencing since oh, sometime this spring when we were really stressed finishing the house so we could move in got a whole lot worse. I have realized that I strive on stressful situations, and although it may be a challenge, it is very bad for my health. I can feel blood pressure changes. I am trying to slow down and stay more calm. the definition of prehypertension says that if you don't change habits now, you will probably have hypertension in the future and I'm not (quite) 29 yet!!! I don't want to live with HBP the rest of my life!!! Thinking about that alone stresses me out! :( When I have to talk to someone @ a problem (ie pharmacy who shorted DD a bunch of meds and won't do anything) I have to think 'stay calm, stay calm, stay calm'. I am realizing now that what I thought was just an "adrenaline rush" or being nervous is more of a blood pressure thing than anything else. In case you're wondering; I can't go to dr right now. I'm aware that BP meds arent too expensive, but the problem is this: DH used to work for an insurance company, selling health & life insurance. He says that what I have is probably a pre-existing condition. So, if I go and get diagnosed and start meds, nothing for HBP would be covered for one full year. And then only if nothing major happened in that year. You wouldn't think HBP would be a pre-existing condition, but since having HBP can cause sooooo many other health problems, it is. Today, I have started riding my exercise bike again! I rode 4 miles in 20 minutes. WOO HOO!! This is a MAJOR accomplishment for me as I hate to exercise and have never liked to participate in sports. (there was a time in my life when I belonged to fitness usa, however, where I was exercising 3 days a week and that is the best I have felt in my life.) I'm just too busy to actually go to a gym. My goal: to lose 50 -60 lbs in one year and two weeks. (By the time I turn 30). Pray for me!!!! I will need it!! I have no will power when it comes to food, and I feel like I "deserve" whatever I "want" to eat!I'm praying/hoping that I will be able to exercise at least 5 days a week. Maybe since my life depends on this now, I will be able to stick with it. More soon (I hope!) on the kids!